why I am not a Proverbs 31 woman

I read a lot of different blogs, many of them written by Christian women.  One theme I often see repeated is that of the “Proverbs 31 woman” or “Titus 2 women.”  These sections of the Bible seem to get used as ideals that Christian women should aspire to; they seem to be goals towards which to strive.  As strange as it may seem, I disagree with that idea.  Here’s why:

Using Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 as “reminders” of what a person should be doing means that a person is holding them up as a standard of right and wrong Christian living. If a woman compares her actions to those sections of Scripture, and if she’s honest, she will see that she has failed to live as those sections of Scripture say she should live. As none of us are perfect, I think all of us would agree that we have failed to be the kind of women that Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 describe.

Now the tricky part comes in: A woman sees that she is sinful. She sees that she has failed. What does she do? Does she first turn to God and ask for forgiveness? I think Christians would all agree that would be the proper step to take. BUT, does she equally trust that the knowledge of that forgiveness won for her at the cross of Christ is sufficient motivation to try again to live a Christian life, or does she mentally chide herself for her failure, taking some of the guilt onto herself, and inwardly say that if she just tried harder to be a better Christian, then she would be able to be the kind of woman described in Proverbs 31 and Titus 2?

It’s a slippery slope, because when one starts looking inward for strength, and when one feels like they have to try harder next time to do what they’re supposed to do, then one runs the risk of no longer looking to Christ as the focus of faith. When we Christians fail, as we always will, we need to always look to Christ first and only, for our forgiveness and our motivation to try again.

Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 can be tricky sections of Scripture. They are examples of what Christian living looks like, but they are not meant to be standards for which women should aim. Christian women must obtain their motivation to live their Christian lives from the right place — the cross of Christ. Merely looking to the end result of what their life should look like bypasses the most important step. In educational terms, it’s comparable to “teaching to the test” — the focus is on the end result, instead of on the entire educational process, the route through which the end result is naturally achieved.

I am super-sensitive to these kind of tricky issues because I happen to be married to a professional theologian. Being aware of the slipperly slopes that can lead to false doctrine is his job. Now, obviously, Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 are not false doctrine in themselves; they’re in the Bible! But, they can be misinterpreted and viewed in a way that will eventually lead to false doctrine.

I sincerely hope and pray that the majority of women who look to Proverbs 31 and Ttus 2 as examples for their life look first of all to Christ as the source of power and strength to follow that example. But, from my knowledge of the state of the Christian church in America today, I know it doesn’t always happen that way. And when you’re a law-oriented family (meaning a family that focuses on making and keeping rules and guidelines that everyone, parents and children alike, should follow), it makes me concerned that Proverbs 31, Titus 2, and similar passages that demonstrate what a healthy Christian life will look like — are being seen as the end goals to strive for, not as a natural result of faith.

And remember, too, that the book of Proverbs is the least Christian book in the entire Bible. It is purely a book of wisdom; there’s no Christ or cross in it. The book of Proverbs could be part of any world religion, and there would be no doctrinal problem whatsoever — because there is no doctrine in it! It’s just good advice. Therefore, when I hear about Christian families that use a chapter of Proverbs every day as part of their family’s devotion, that seems to point to families that are overly focused on the proper behaviors of Christian faith and not so focused on the motivation behind those behaviors.

Christians MUST trust that the knowledge of Jesus’ saving, redemptive work on the cross is enough to motivate the Christian life. Because, if it’s NOT enough — than where DOES a Christian get their motivation?