I love blogging, perhaps more than I should.  But I really do enjoy it, and I get a lot of satisfaction out of planning posts and writing them out.

Sometimes I wonder why this is so important to me.  What drives me to spend time during my day, when I theoretically could be doing something more “useful,” writing out my thoughts like this?

Part of it is simple: I like keeping a sort of diary.  It’s fun to write about events and one’s thoughts on those events, and then read back on them later and re-live those events.

I also use blogging to keep track of my daughters’ growth.  I don’t do baby books like I should could, so blogging is my way to record their milestones.

A big reason why I have come to love blogging is that it makes me focus (most of the time) on finding the positives in my life, even when my life doesn’t go the way I had expected.  No one wants to read a blog where the writer is whining all the time.  Instead, I believe that people will return to and be followers of a blog where they can relate to the events the writer shares, while appreciating her perspective on situations.  I’m not perfect, far from it.  I don’t have all the answers.  But I like to think that my imperfections, my “not finished yet”-ness, and my honest struggles strike an chord with my readers.  Furthermore, the fact that after 14 months of blogging, I have a number of loyal readers (hello to you all!) has instilled in me a sense of dedication to those who choose to read my blog on a regular basis, as well as a desire to continue to provide quality content that will keep those readers coming back.

But there’s one more important reason I blog.  I blog for my girls.  I wrote about this once before, and my reasoning still holds true.  Life can change in an instant.  I fully intend to live to a ripe old age and see my children’s children.  But that may not be what God has in store for me.  No, nothing is wrong with me (except that I have another bladder infection – Grr!  But that’s another post), but as a 32 year old wife and mother and woman, I realize that life is fragile.  I love my girls with all my heart, and if God chooses to take me home early, I want them to know who their mother was.  I want them to see that I wasn’t perfect, that I struggled, but also that I was happy, I laughed, I loved my daughters tremendously, and I trusted in God with my whole heart.  So, I see my blog as a kind of insurance policy, a way to make sure I’m not forgotten or misunderstood by my daughters if the unthinkable happens.

(I recently found this blog by a woman who is actually in that tragic situation.  She has two young children and she’s dying of cancer.  If I think that I choose my blog subjects carefully, that’s nothing compared to her situation.)

I love blogging.  I truly do.  And this month, to my great delight, I had the most hits ever, getting over 1300 hits in June!  I am very excited about that.  (To be fair, I’ve been getting a number of hits via my post Ten Things To Do on a Hot Day, but even without those hits, it still would have been a very good month.)  It’s been exciting to watch my stats climb, and it’s inspired me to focus even more on being a quality blogger.

But, I’m tired.  I’m really, really tired.  My body is giving me signs that if I don’t start getting some more quality and quantity of sleep soon, I’m going to have real problems.  I would love to have another baby, but I’m simply too tired right now.  Plus, I would like to try to re-discover what the pre-internet Emily was like.  (The pre-internet Emily didn’t have kids, however, so I don’t know if she’ll ever truly be found again! )  I have a reason to try to crochet an afghan again.  I used to love to watch old movies; maybe I’ll start up my Netflix subscription again.  And, there’s a peacefulness in turning off the computer in the evening and not feeling the pull to do anything more.

So, I’m going to try to blog just a little less.  My thought right now is to aim for five days a week.  But a little bit of a break probably would be helpful for me, physically and emotionally.  I won’t give up blogging all together; I love it too much.  But perhaps moderating it a bit – that I could do.  It might be nice, actually.

But don’t worry, regular readers.  I’ll still be here.