Since I first took my homeopathic constitutional remedy back in October, I’ve been enjoying its amazing results. My anxiety is much, much better, and my body has returned to doing things that I vaguely remember it doing back in my college years and the early years of my married life.
The remedy I took is called Carcinosin. You can google it and find a buch of interesting articles about this nosode remedy. One thing that struck me right off the bat is that it is made from cancerous breast tissue. !!! Whoa! What am I doing taking cancer as a cure? But, like any homeopathic remedy, especially high potency remedies like I took of Carcinosin, there’s nothing of the original substance left in the remedy except for, it is suspected, a subtle energy shift. (This is why western science today doesn’t believe in homeopathy. There’s no way any of the original substance remains after being essentially diluted down so much – How can it possibly work? Yet, it does, and it works beautifully.)
I wondered about why Carcinosin was decided to be the best remedy to match my unique characteristics. After looking around online, I’ve discovered some common characteristics of people who are helped by Carcinosin, characteristics that, to greater or lesser degrees, I share. They include:
- numerous moles all over the body
- tendency to insomnia
- family history of cancer, diabetes, schizophrenia, arthritis (and others)
- very intelligent and artistic
- sympathetic to others
- fastidious, perfectionist person
- desire for chocolate and salty things (remember this Peanut Candy? That was practically Nirvana to me!)
- internal restlessness
- acne, including between shoulders
- exciting, active dreams
- talent and creativity – love of dancing and acting
- desire for attention
I also found this quote that discusses the essence of a Carcinosin person:
The essence of Carcinosin is an individual with great inner intensity, passion, and talent — an intensity that is burning to get out, be seen, be heard — that is nevertheless too easily thwarted and suppressed. Carcinosin can be so sensitive that they can be suppressed by common life experiences as well. When this happens, they retreat and their energy erupts within, manifesting in physical symptoms and internal restlessness. Sociologically, one is also reminded of the common view of cancer as a disease of individuals who repress their emotions.
I’ve never thought of myself as one who represses her emotions on a frequent basis, but I do know that there is a voice inside of me that says, “Don’t talk about yourself too much. See others as more important than yourself. There’s always someone who has it worse off than you do, so don’t complain.” All of this is true, and even to a degree, godly, but I know without a doubt that when I hold things inside too long, I have problems. For one example, I cannot keep a secret about myself from my husband. I mean, I can keep a light-hearted secret (such as an upcoming surprise), and I’m actually very good at that sort of thing, probably because I like acting. However, it’s very difficult for me to repress something I’m angry about, either in regards to my husband or someone else, or something I’m upset/sad about. I have to get those emotions out, or it makes me physically ill.
The other aspect of Carcinosin that I found interesting was that of needing/craving attention. In society today, drawing attention to oneself is not considered polite. In fact, some might even consider it ungodly (and certainly not in accordance with the Biblical womanly ideas of quietness and submission). But, in the last few months, in a number of different ways, I’ve realized that I do need a certain amount of attention paid to me to be happy. I never really knew that I needed this before, and therefore couldn’t verbalize this need, especially to my husband. But, I DO need attention, especially from him, to feel good about myself. (Don’t get me wrong: I’m not subtlely criticizing my husbamd with this statement. What I’m saying is simply that I never before realized how much I needed attention from him.) In the earlier years of our marriage, JJ and I had a private joke between us where I was saying, “Pay attention to MEEEEE!” I’m realizing that was much truer than either of us thought at the time.
I’ve also learned that when I get some attention, I am better able to give attention and love and care to others. It’s as if when my cup is filled, then I can fill the cups of others. And when I’m feeling good about myself, I know that I want to give attention to others, I want to give them a spot in the limelight, I want to lavish love and care on others. I love giving gifts, and I enjoy doing thoughtful, helpful things for others. My desire for attention doesn’t mean that “it’s all about me.”
Similarly, I don’t expect that this new understanding will change the way I interact with people. I know no one wants to listen to someone prattle on and on about themselves, and I don’t want to be self-absorbed and insensitive to the needs and desires of others. However, I come to peace with the fact that I need to talk about myself a little bit, and I don’t need to feel guilty about it. I suspect that in the past, I usually DID feel guilty for talking about myself, even when I couldn’t seem to help it, and even if I never realized it.
I think this realization also makes me kinder towards other who might be the same way as me. If I am this way, than others probably are, too, and I shouldn’t get annoyed with people for needing their time in the spotlight, either. We all are who we are, even if we don’t know it. I hope this knowledge about myself will be especially helpful in raising my daughters, who might very well end up being rather similar to their Momma.
Finally, these aspects of a Carcinosin character help me to make sense of why I have quietly longed to have a career on the stage or screen. Well, maybe not a career, but certainly a moment of glory. When I was in high school, I played “Maria” in my high school’s production of “The Sound of Music,” and I so enjoyed being on stage. I had a few opportunities in college to be on the stage as well, and I relished every moment, as well as the compliments with which I was showered afterwards. I still love being in the limelight, whether via singing a solo in church, or leading a music class, or even being the one who entertains the church kidlets during a Work Day while the rest of the adults go outside and spruce up our church property. I like being on the stage, and I think I have the potential to be a very good actress. However, unless my husband takes a call to L.A. in the future, that probably won’t happen! But every so often, I watch a movie with a certain role in it, and I think, “I could play that.” Who knows? Maybe an opportunity will come down the line.
Homeopathy is so INTERESTING!!!