I am an idiot. What can I tell you?

I have a problem.  It’s really a rather ridiculous problem.  Some people might read this and think that I am truly an idiot for even having this problem.  But I’m going to share it with you all, in the hope that perhaps in talking about it, it might get better.  My problem is this:

I hate going to bed.

I would much rather spend time on the internet reading, commenting, and just sharing my vast wisdom loud-mouthed opinions thoughts on various issues, most of them related to pregnancy and parenting, almost exclusively to people I don’t know, have never met, and likely will never meet.  So, I get to bed far too late.  Yet the sun comes up earlier and earlier every morning, and with the sun, my beautiful daughters.  Sigh.

WHY do I do this?  Why don’t I instead focus on the family I have, leave the rest of the world alone, and just go to bed?  I know that there are a few of you out there that understand this problem, and I know that there are others of you who live wonderfully organized, scheduled lives and can’t fathom having this problem.  When it’s time for bed, you go to bed.  But I’m not like that, and never have been like that.  I thrive on procrastination, on the adreneline rush I get from doing something at the last minute.  I may not like this aspect of myself, but I do understand it.  And why do I love commenting on the internet?  I enjoy the human interaction, such as it is, and I like to feel that I’m being helpful to someone.  I’ve read a lot, and I get a lot of satisfaction out of sharing a little of what I’ve read with someone else.

Of course, thanks to the aforementioned complete and utter disregard for sleep which I have been exhibiting lately, I am now embarking on another cold.  Way to go, Emily!  Your brilliance is shining through again.  My throat hurts like I have sores inside my throat, like tonsillitis or something, and my nose is dripping.  I feel like I have a fever, even though the thermometer says that I do not.  I feel groggy, slow, mildly achey, and just generally unwell.

I have been popping Echinacea and extra Vitamin C, as well as enjoying cups of honey and (fresh squeezed) lemon juice in hot water.  I also tested the remedy that straight honey helps a sore throat, and, guess what, it does!  But not for very long.  I’m also chugging straight water as much as I can, not only for the cold but also to keep my milk supply from dipping too much.

Despite all this, we had a playdate this morning with Angela E. and her three little ones.  We set up our larger pool this morning and filled it with water so that it would be warm enough for the kiddos to go swimming after lunch.  Lyd had the great idea to put her small plastic slide into the pool to make a water slide, and boy, was that a hit!  That’s pretty much all the kids did in the pool!  It was a lot of fun, and I just wish I had felt a little better.

After everyone went home, the girls and I hung out in the living room, listening to my new CD, the girls quietly playing, and me resting in a chair, drinking my hot honey and lemon “tea.”  But, regardless of being sick, I was very happy to be with my two girls, thankful to have them playing happily around me.  I adore them so much, and when I get tempted to stay up too late, I need to think about them, and think about the kind of mother I want to be for them.  Really, it’s for their sake that I should go to bed at night.  If it was just me, then it wouldn’t matter if I stayed up all night.  But I have them to consider.  Think, Emily, think about your girls!  And then just GO TO BED!

I’ll let you know if I make any progress in this department.  However, tonight I don’t think it will be a problem to go to bed early.  Oh, oh, the sore throat!  Time to have more honey-lemon tea.

(And you know, I have been known to advise mothers over the internet to be sure and get plenty of sleep so that their milk supply won’t suffer and so they won’t get sick.  Gah, I’m such an idiot.)


One thought on “I am an idiot. What can I tell you?

  1. I always stay up later than I should, too. I SHOULD know better consider the poor track record my children have in the sleep department, but sometimes I just need some time to myself and some days that only happens after everyone else is sleeping. Some days I regret staying up, too, but other days it is what I need to unwind from another interesting day. It’s hard to judge at the time if it is a good investment or not. Some day I will pick the sleep, too, but my house is much more picked up when I don’t. 🙂

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