the baby now

Baby J is at such a lovely stage right now.  She sits up beautifully, and rarely falls over.  If she does fall over, it’s usually because she’s trying to get at something out of her reach, or because she’s so excited she just loses her balance.  She also has finally figured out how to crawl forwards; for the previous month she only could crawl backwards.  However, she hasn’t yet figured out how to crawl quickly, so I can leave her alone for a bit without worrying too much.  She is extremely happy and sociable, and she is so excited anytime a family member comes into the room.  Her sleeping has taken a huge turn for the better, and now her naps and nighttime sleep are a joy.  It’s true: sleep begets sleep, and the regular sleep has made such a difference for her.  She was always a fairly even-tempered baby, but she’s just sweeter then ever these days.

I’ve been enjoying my time with her at swimming lessons.  Starting in a week, she and I are going to take a Mommy & Me swimming class concurrent with Lyd’s swimming class, which should be a lot of fun.  But for now, we (and all the other parents and siblings) sit on the side of the pool, in the shade, while we watch Lyd (and about 30 other kids) have their various group lessons at different spots in the pools.  Today Baby J and I sat with our broad-brimmed hats on our heads, watching the activity around us.  We shared drinks out of my water bottle, and J chewed happily on her toy keys.  I felt so content and at peace, and that feeling brought to mind how long of a path it was to get to this point.  I waited and tried so long to have a baby after Lyd was born, crying a lot of tears and shelling out a lot of money for acupunture, herbs, vitamins, and books along the way.  I’m not sorry that things worked out the way they did, because I learned so much, knowledge that I’ve been able to share with others, and I absolutely know that God sent Baby J at just the right time.  But it was a long road to this point, and it was nice to sit back and marvel at how far I’ve come.  And marvel at how Baby J has grown.  And what a delight she is.  🙂

So tonight, as I put her to bed, nursing her as I always do, I sang her the same hymns that I sing to her every night, the same hymns that I sang to Lyd at this age, and the same hymns she asks me to sing to her when she is sick or scared in the night, and it just all felt — right.  Tonight Baby J fell asleep in my arms, something that doesn’t always happen.  Rocking her, singing to her, feeling the warm summer breeze blow through the window, watching the remnants of a gorgeous sunset fade away …  Life is good.  God is good.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

(But then, once in a while, I also think about the baby that I lost two years ago.  The little someone that I never got to meet.  Because I know that if I hadn’t gone through the heartbreak of losing that baby, I wouldn’t have Baby J now.  Would I have changed that, if I could have?  All I can do is care for the baby now as tenderly and lovingly as I can, knowing that life is fragile, and to get to be alive at all is a precious thing.)