still not supermom, but my kids love me anyway

It is now about 12 hours after my grumpy post of this morning.  I am blogging with a clear conscience tonight: my children are both in bed, and my dishes are done.  The toys are even picked up!  Plus, JJ is out doing a pastoral visit, so I am on my own.  I hope to be in bed by 10pm tonight, so this day is ending better than yesterday.

My mother’s helper was not able to come today, which was a disappointment.  After the nap fiasco that I put Baby J through this morning, she took a decent (hour and a half) morning nap, but she woke up so late that her afternoon nap never happened.  She fussed and fretted in her crib for an hour or so after I put her down, and this time there was no poopy diaper to blame it on.  So, she was a pretty tired, fractious baby in the late afternoon.  Thankfully, JJ was able to be around and amuse her while I got supper ready.  (How does a liturgical husband amuse a baby, you ask?  By playing the new “Christian Worship: Supplement” hymns on the piano while the older daughter dances around the living room, of course!)

Lyd and I had a few lovely moments together this afternoon and evening, which helped to make me feel a little better.  This afternoon, while Curious J was attempting to nap, I became overcome with tiredness.  So, I suggested to Lyd that she and I stretch out on the couch and cuddle/rest together.  She liked that idea, so we did.  I managed to doze off a bit, and when I woke up 10-15 minutes later (because Curious J was squawking and jumping up and down in her crib in the room above me), I found Lyd asleep in my arms, with her arm gently across my neck in a hug.  I cannot remember the last time my firstborn has fallen asleep in my arms.  It’s been quite some time, that’s for sure, and it was a lovely feeling.

But, my baby needed me, so I carefully extricated myself from Lyd’s arms, and thankfully she stayed sleeping.  (She’s the GOOD sleeper!)  When I went upstairs, an overwrought and sobbing Baby J was very relieved to see me.  Since Lyd was asleep in the toyroom, I decided to hang out for a while in my bedroom with the baby.  We have a few toys in our adjoining bathroom that J likes to play with.  J liked the toys, but what she really wanted was me.  She wouldn’t let me put her down; she wanted to be in my arms the whole time.  So, I sat on the floor and hugged her as she stood up and clutched my shirt.  Part of me wanted her to play by herself so that I could read a book or something, but the other part of me enjoyed feeling so very, very needed.  There’s nothing like Momma’s arms when you’ve had a rough day and are all done in.

My other lovely moment with Lyd came while she was in the bathtub tonight.  I asked Lyd if I could help her make up a story with the little plastic dolls that she plays with in the tub.  Well, you would have thought I had just offered her chocolate ice cream!  She was SO excited to have me make up a story with her.  As we created a story together, part of me felt a little guilty that I don’t do that more often, but at the same time, no one’s perfect, and I’m glad I took advantage of the opportunity when I had it.  It made my daughter feel so important and so happy.

Tomorrow I’ll be less whiny.  I promise.  Thanks for bearing with me today, all of you lovely readers of mine.  I don’t know who all the people are who read my blog today, but whoever you are, I hope you felt some kind of connection to what you read and to me.  ‘Cause to me, that’s what blogging is all about — making connections, realizing there are other people who feel the same way you do, and thus feeling less alone.  Come back and read more again sometime, okay?  🙂