For me, it’s slightly odd to read or hear about people who have a baby born around the same time as Curious J and discover that they are now pregnant again. I often think, “Really? You’re ready for another one?” And then I look at myself, at our family, and wonder if I’m ready for another baby. Sometimes I feel something a little akin to jealousy, although I’m not necessarily jealous of their baby. Curious J still takes up a lot of my time and energy, and I don’t know how I would handle another pregnancy and baby right now. My “jealousy” (if I even want to label it that) is more for the experience of actually being pregnant again. Being pregnant has its fun moments: the joy of anticipation, the fun of watching your belly grow, the excitement of feeling the baby kick inside of you, the special relationship you have with your unborn child, a relationship that only the two of you share and which only happens once. Despite all the nausea and discomforts, it’s a pretty cool experience to know that another person is growing inside of you.
All these thoughts get me thinking about having another baby. My husband and I aren’t currently trying to get pregnant, but we’re not NOT trying, either. Being in this “whatever happens, happens” state has been kind of nice, very non-stressful. I’m still nursing Curious J, and it seems that I’m not one of those women who gets pregnant while breastfeeding. There’s always the knowledge that pregnancy is a possibility, and every month I mentally figure out when my due date would be if I were to conceive. But overall, I’m not thinking about it too much. What will be, will be. It’s the first time in my marriage where JJ and I have had this kind of attitude towards pregnancy, and it’s very … relaxing.
However, I used to be one who wanted to precisely plan when each child arrives. But while waiting and waiting for Curious J to be conceived, all those plans of when the “right time” was were tossed out the window. I had initially thought a two or two-and-a-half year spacing between our first and second child would be just right, while JJ wanted three years. It turned out to be four years until our second child arrived! Frankly, we hope it’s not quite that long before baby #3 arrives (if and when baby #3 DOES arrive). But we’ve realized that there are advantages and disadvantages to every spacing, so whatever the span between #2 and #3 turns out to be — it’ll be just fine.
If we are blessed with another baby (babies!), it will be the right baby for our family, too. While I was waiting to become pregnant with Curious J, I prayed for just the right baby to come to us at just the right time. God heard my prayer, and he did just that, a fact that I understand better every day. So, with the knowledge that right baby will arrive at the right time, there’s an over-arching sense of peace. I’m grateful to be in this peace-full place, because I certainly didn’t experience it while I was waiting for child #2.
Feeling peaceful about the future allows me to enjoy this time with my two darling daughters. They each arrived in my life at just the right time, too, and they are living testaments to God’s ability to do all things well. If God has done so well with my past, I can trust that he will do equally well with my future.