reading materials

I read this post over at Molly’s blog “Adventures in Mercy,” and thanks to her review, I now definitely want to read the Christian parenting book Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk from which these quotations were taken:

The false belief that you not only can, but are responsible to, control your children contributes to elevating the inferior priority of obedience and compliance in the home. The danger is that it not only leads to disrespectful interactions, but it also blinds you to what is really going on inside your child, especially if your child is compliant. It’s easy to mistake obedience for a good relationship. As long as the child is doing what you say, your relationship is fine. The moment obedience is threatened, the relationship is threatened. Therefore, in order for your children to be around you, they must become you.”

“In summary, limiting the freedom of our children in order to teach them external controls, smallness, constraints, and fear of punishment is not a strategy that works in the long run. Instead, we must teach our kids what freedom looks like, feels like, and how to prosper in it. This is the model of Heaven. This is what our Father in Heaven is doing.

The best way to prepare our children to handle the multitiude of options they will have as children of the King of Kings is to invest in developing a heart-to-heart connection. This connection replaces the disrespect factory and introduces the honor factory. The practice of honor will revolutionize the family system, because honor brings power to relationships and the individuals in those relationships. Honor is the antidote…

One of the primary ways we show honor to one another is by sharing power and control in our relationships. When we help our children practice power from the time they are little, they become powerful people who are not afraid of the forces outside of them. They learn to think and solve problems. They learn to draw on the power within them, the power of the Holy Spirit, to direct their lives toward their goals in life. They become skilled at wielding decisions…

…Therefore we introduce freedom to our small children, and we allow them to practice messing it up while they have a safety net in our home. We create a safe place for them to fail and learn about life…”

Doesn’t that sound interesting???

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Another book that has intrigued me is A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family by Mary Ostyn, who blogs at OwlhavenThis review by Carrien at She Laughs at the Days made me think that this book might be interesting, even though my family would not qualify as “large.”

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Finally, I recently got linked to here in regards to my “Why I am Not a Proverbs 31 Woman” post.  It’s flattering to be thought of well by people I’ve never even met. 🙂

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3 thoughts on “reading materials

  1. Holy Moly Yes! A thousand times yes! THIS is what I’ve been trying to say about parenting!!!

    Is this for the book club? Cuz I vote yes 🙂

  2. Another good quote from another book:

    “Many parents are confused about the purpose of discipline. They believe the purpose of discipline is to control a child’s behavior – make him behave no matter what. This goal is unreasonable and unattainable. The purpose of discipline is not control, but cooperation.” p. 15, from “How to Behave So Your Children will too” by Dr. Sal Severe.

    I disagree with about half of his book, but I agree with this principle. He has another good one further on in the book about power struggles!

  3. My stepson comes from a house with a discussion vs. punishment kind of disclipline. His Mom has a premise that he shouldn’t be taught to be a robot so if he has a good enough reason its ok. She even got fired over drinking soda in an unauthorized place at work, cuz she thought the rule was dumb. Granted that wasn’t the only “dumb” rule she decided not to follow but it was the last “straw”. What an example for your child!

    Not that it is always bad to have a conversation but kids & adults need to learn that NO means NO even if you think you have a good reason for it.
    We have had problems both at school and at home because when he is disobeident he thinks its ok as long as he can explain why he did something. This doesn’t fly when mom and dad are dealing with the other 3 kids in the house too. We should be able to just say “stop” “wait” or “no” without a big production.

    I’m all for not yelling, & threatning etc. but somehow in whatever form of disclipline parents choose, the children should learn:

    1. My actions were not pleasing to God (not only did they make a “bad choice” they were sinful. )
    2. I am forgiven because of Jesus and I will want to do whats right to show my thankfulness to God.
    3. God has placed those in authority (parents, teachers, police, etc.) over us. We may not agree with them but the rules that are placed upon us & should be followed without question. Questions are sometimes appropriate after the rule is followed. Not always will questions be allowed.

    Every child is different even if raised in the same household I have a child who argues with every little thing that he is asked to do or why he can’t do/have something we have asked him not to do or have. I have another that will stand his ground and say no he won’t do it even if he ends up with a few consequences for being defiant. My 3rd child runs to obey at the slightest mention of a possible consequence and usually it doesn’t even get that far.

    Never hurts to try something new but Jesus changes hearts and the cross should be the focus even when it comes to discipline.

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