always something to be grateful for

Every so often, I read blogs where the authors do a “grateful” post.  When this morning started, I didn’t think I’d be writing one of these posts, but … well, after the way this morning started, I am feeling grateful right now.

I went to see my homeopath on Wednesday.  I hadn’t seen her in a while; last time I did, I chickened out on her proposed remedies.  I’m not sure what was behind that, but I guess I just wasn’t ready.  Well, I decided that I’m ready now.  I’m tired of being so sensitive to my hormones that whenever they do some kind of dramatic shift, I get anxiety problems.

So, I saw my homeopath, and we decided to start these new remedies, designed to make me less sensitive to my hormones and to bring them into better balance.

One thing a person needs to know about homeopathic treatments are that sometimes a new remedy will aggravate symptoms before making them better.  It seems that the higher the aggravation level, the better the remedy will work.  Remember Curious J’s weird day a few months ago?  Well, that one day of aggravation continues to produce months of healthy child.  She hasn’t been sick once since then.  No bronchiolitis, no colds, nada.  We are now on the longest stretch of uninterrupted health in her short life — score!

I was prepared for the idea that my symptoms might get worse before they get better.  Things initally got just a bit worse, but nothing too much.  I thought I was out of the woods.  However, last night things really started to get worse.  My anxiety wasn’t quite like it was in the past, but I had the quickened pulse, the loosened innards, the racing thoughts, and the inability to sleep.  So, last night it took every sleep remedy I own to finally get me to fall asleep around 2:30 a.m.  And when I woke up this morning, I still felt just as anxious as I had the night before.

Somehow, I managed to get up and make pancakes and bacon for the girls, although both of them ate more pancakes than I did, and I eschewed the bacon altogether.  But I had to get myself up and going and presentable, because I was scheduled to teach an overcrowded Music Together demonstration class at 10 a.m.  I was the one trying to sell these parents on the program – I had to not just do a great class, but I had to be on top of my game.

So, as I choked down one pancake and laid down on the couch waiting for the nausea that often accompanies the first meal of the day when eaten with anxiety, I thought, “How am I ever going to do this?”

Thankfully, my homeopath returned my phone message this morning, and she suggested I take my Ashwagandha pills, my amazing little anti-anxiety pills, to calm myself down, and recommended that I hold off on taking anything else of the remedies.  So, I did, the Ashwagandha helped, and I managed to get through the class with no one knowing about my wretched morning.

So, at the end of the day, as I am feeling far more relaxed than I did last night and am about to head off to bed for some much-needed sleep, I am grateful for these things:

  • I am grateful for those Ashwagandha pills.  I don’t take them often, but when I need them, they are amazingly helpful in calming my anxiety.
  • I am grateful for my husband, who helped get everything ready for class this morning by doing many of the behind-the-scenes jobs, and who watched the girls while I taught.
  • I am grateful for my daughters, who are sweet and helpful and cheerful and the sunshine of my days.
  • I am grateful for the homemade chicken broth I made back on January 26 of this year, which I pulled out of the freezer this afternoon and used to make chicken soup for supper.  My stomach gets quite touchy when I’m anxious, but chicken soup sounded good.  I added some frozen sweet corn, fresh zucchini, carrots, and quinoa to make a delicious soup that everyone enjoyed.
  • I am grateful for my older daughter asking me to do a little Music Together class with her and her sister tonight in the living room.  Although I teach a program that encourages parents to play with their children, sometimes I forget to do it myself.  Tonight was really fun. 🙂
  • I am grateful for the unconditional love that I have been able to give to my daughter, love which every so often is rebounded back at me in words such as, “Momma, I love you no matter what you do.  Even when you’re tired and grumpy, I still love you.”  Words like that are balm to my soul on days when I know I’m the mom I want to be.
  • I’m grateful for my father’s wise words and good example.  When there’s things that still need to be done, no matter how you may feel, sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other and forge ahead as best as you can.  Diapers need to be changed, meals need to be made and cleaned up afterwards, children can’t be left in front of the TV all day (unless circumstances are quite dire), plants need to be watered, and life goes on.  Somehow, these things must be done no matter how you may feel, and I often thought of Dad today as I wearily trudged forward.
  • Best of all, I’m grateful that my anxiety seems to have subsided for now.  My heart is beating normally, my innards are in place, my thoughts are quiet and calm, and I suspect I’ll have no trouble falling asleep tonight.

God has been good to me today, and in his great love, he will continue to be merciful to me tomorrow.  No matter what happens, he will see me safely through it.

I am grateful.

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My friend Mandy who wrote the guest post “Of Reagan and Rice Cakes” got an edited version of it published in her local paper!  You can check it out and read other readers’ comments here.

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