JJ and I are currently not trying to conceive a third baby. I’m okay with that.
This is remarkable because when I was TTC (trying to conceive) baby #2, I was obsessed with getting pregnant. Really, really obsessed. Even when we were on TTC breaks for various good reasons, I never mentally took a break. I was always hoping against hope, that despite our efforts not to TTC, a baby would happen anyway. I hated not TTC. During every month that we tried to avoid getting pregnant, I mentally calculated what the time span between Lyd and the theoretical baby #2 would increase by. Having two children four years apart was not my ideal plan (although it has worked out better then I ever imagined it would.)
Between the time I stopped breastfeeding Lyd and finally got pregnant with Curious J, I never mentally stopped TTC. It was always on my mind, I was always wondering about it, and frankly, I was always stressing out about it. I believed Romans 8:28, and intellectually I knew everything would be okay in the end, but I kept seeing Lyd getting older, and seeing myself get older, and I couldn’t see any good end to it.
It was a difficult time, but I learned some good lessons from it. I learned that events in life really do happen at the right time, even when they don’t feel right when they happen. I learned that Romans 8:28 applies to pregnancy as well as everything else in life. I learned to trust God more; after seeing how beautifully everything has worked out so far in my life, how can I NOT trust God? Everything is working out just fine.
Now, we are on a TTC break, and I am mentally committed to this break. It’s actually rather relaxing. After experiencing what it’s like to have children four years apart, I have learned that a larger break between siblings isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, in many ways it works out really well. Most importantly, I’ve learned that a friendship between siblings is not dependent on being close in age. (Plus, like I mentioned once before, my Grandma Violet had 4 babies in 11 years, so I’m well within that time table if I hope to have 4 kids of my own.)
Yes, some of my friends are done having babies, but there are plenty of other friends my age who are still having babies or hope to be having babies. So, I’m not alone in my future baby hopes, and I’m not the last woman my age whos is thinking about having a baby while it seems every other woman around her is done. Not by a long shot.
Truth be told, I kind of like this “break” thing. It’s nice to not be stressing out every month, thinking “Am I pregnant?” I’m not pregnant, I’m not trying, and I’m totally okay with that.