still undecided

It’s been two weeks since JJ received his call, and wow, has it been quite the two weeks!  While this call may have seemed so simple on the surface, it’s requiring a lot more soul-searching and deep thinking than we expected.  The process itself, regardless of the final decision, will have caused much growth and re-evaluation for both me and my husband.  However, it is ultimately my husband’s decision, and he says it is the biggest decision that he’s ever had to made.  (He lovingly says that deciding to marry me was an easy decision.  Awww!)

There’s been a lot of back and forth, back and forth.  One day he thinks one way.  The next day he thinks of something else that swings his thoughts the opposite way.  I guess this is a normal part of the call process.

Last week, at my husband’s request, I told him what I thought he should do.  However, as this process continues on, I’m choosing to remain silent as to what, if anything, about my opinion has changed.  I still have an opinion, to be sure, but I’m purposely not talking about it as much.  I still ask my husband what new information he has learned from each conversation he has, and I store that away in my mind and use it to color my own private opinion.

Despite not pushing my husband in a specific direction, I am trying to ask him thought-provoking, non-leading questions.  Some that I’ve asked recently have included:

  • There will be problems and headaches but also triumphs and successes in ministry wherever you are.  In which setting would you prefer to experience those events?
  • What aspects of ministry in California do you enjoy most?  Least?  How might those aspects be different in Wisconsin?

I’m gratified to report that more than once when I’ve asked my husband this type of question, he’s responded with a thoughtful, “Hmm.  I’ve never thought of it that way before.”  I personally think that’s the best kind of help I can provide him right now.

Do I have an opinion on what my husband should do with this call?  Yes.  But more importantly, I want my husband to feel that he’s made the right decision based on his own strengths and weaknesses as a pastor.  Only he can truly decide that, and it is HIS call, not mine.  I am trying to not push him in any direction until he comes to a decision on his own, one that he arrives at organically.  (Yes, I’ve become quite a Californian, haven’t I? :))  I am happy living in California, but I know that I could also be happy living in Wisconsin.  Our daughters, too, would be fine, although Lyd would dearly miss her best friend.

What will the final decision be?  We don’t know yet, but we take comfort in the fact that God does, and whatever decision JJ makes will be blessed by Him.

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