Okay. I stand by last night’s post as a true statement of how I wish I would think and trust all the time.
However, in all honesty, that is not how I think and trust most of the time.
(Although, I was being honest when I said I loved the movie “Dan in Real Life.”)
Real life is complicated. And my sinful nature continues to make its presence known by encouraging me to fret and worry and obsess about my future.
It makes me almost angry at times, because I KNOW that everything is going to work out okay. I KNOW that God’s timing is best. I HAVE SEEN this in action in my life. The events that didn’t happen according to my Plan have ALWAYS worked out better than my original Plan. Always.
But, when the rubber meets the road, I have such a hard time actually believing that that will happen again.
I am so incredibly upset and stressed over not being pregnant. My life is not going according to my Plan. And if it doesn’t happen this month, my plans for next summer will be completely thrown off. Of course, being incredibly upset and stressed is the PERFECT physical situation to be in when one is trying to conceive!
I know I wouldn’t have to write this post; I could simply let last night’s post stand alone. But, I believe in being honest, and it wouldn’t be honest of me to make it seem like I’m that much of a saint. I’m not a saint at all.
So, yes, I’m trying to get pregnant, it’s not working out like I had hoped, I’m getting worked up about it which will probably make it harder, and I don’t know what God’s plan is for all of this. I’m having a very difficult time with that. I like to be in control; I like things to go according to my plans.
There have been tears.
I guess I have to keep on trying to trust in God’s timing. There’s no better option, because oddly enough, stressing out doesn’t seem to help. I have to not fight the way things are, and look to find the right-ness of the life I’m currently living.
Prayers in this endeavor would be appreciated.