A dear friend recently told me, “Emily, you really appreciate your kids.”
I thought at bit about that, and all I could think was to say — yes. Of course I do, and I can’t imagine feeling any differently. I have been blessed with wonderful children, and never a day goes by where I forget that, indeed, they ARE blessings from God. I can honestly say that I thank God every day for my children, and I usually thank him multiple times a day.
My first child was a wonderful “accident,” and my second child, well, I went through a lot to get that little girl. So, I very much appreciate both of my children. Rarely does a day go by when I don’t think about what an amazing blessing these girls are to my life. They are cheerful, bubbly, funny, heartwarming, beautiful, good-hearted, innocent and kind (most of the time! They’re still human.) But overall they’re really good kids. Every parent is conscious when others compliment their kids, and obviously it’s not polite to compare the compliments my girls get with other parents, but I feel like I get quite a lot of compliments on my girls’ behavior and demeanor, both from people we know and from strangers we meet.
I adore my girls. They mean so incredibly much to me, and I’m so, so grateful to have them. In fact, as the struggle to become pregnant continues for me, I appreciate more and more what miracles those girls are for our family. It’s rather a miracle that I had two babies at all!
I continue to pray that I have another baby. As a year of unsuccessful trying turns into the second year, I am struggling with feelings of brokenness and hopelessness. But, those feelings are made easier to manage by the fact that I DO have two beautiful girls, girls to whom I want to be a good example. If two girls is all God chooses to give me, then I want to be the best mother I can be to those girls. Furthermore, it’s likely that my girls will get married and try to have babies someday, too, and if they end up struggling to get pregnant as I have, then I want to be a good, godly example for them of how to deal with that struggle. It’s not easy (Oh, it is NOT easy!), but it seems to be the cross I have been given to bear. So, bear it I must, and I pray God will help me.
Meanwhile, I have two darling little ladies whose minds and bodies are growing every day, who are deeply attached to me, and who daily look to me to be involved in their lives and to love them unconditionally. So, I’ll do my best to focus on what I have, and I’ll do my best to be at peace with whatever the future holds for me as far as more babies go.
Thank you, God, for these two precious girls. I really appreciate them, Lord.