a desperate prayer

Infertility is never fun.

And it’s expensive.  All that money feels wasted when you have nothing to show for it.

Some days, it’s just absolutely, completely no fun.

Dear God, grant me patience and wisdom.  And then more patience.  I think I need a lot of patience.

And kind feelings in my heart towards other women who don’t struggle with infertility.

And trust, trust that you really do know what you’re doing.

Infertility is really, really, no fun at all.  I don’t know why you’ve decided that this is something I must struggle with.  Help me to trust that this experience is, in the long run, for my spiritual good.

But thank you, God, for the two girls I have.  I am so incredibly grateful for them, and I love them both so much.  Thank you that I at least have two children.  I’m so glad my girls have each other.  And they’re really wonderful girls, Lord.  If I’m only meant to have two children, thanks for choosing the two sweetest, kindest girls ever for me to raise.

But I would love another baby or two, God, so please don’t forget about sending me lots of patience as I wait for the time to be right for me to have another baby.

And help me to have peace in my heart, no matter what does or does not happen in the future.

Thank you, God, for promising me a home in heaven someday, despite my whining and tantrums to you.

I’ll try to keep the whining down over here.

Thanks for promising to love me even when I fail, for Jesus’ sake.

Because of your love for me, I really will try to trust that you know best.

Amen.

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One thought on “a desperate prayer

  1. Emily-
    I found your blog through a mutual friend’s blog. I too struggle with infertility. Many days and nights of crying and being jealous of people who become pregnant at the drop of a hat. We were blessed to be able to have a biological son and have also adopted twice. The decision to adopt the 2nd time (our bio son is the middle child) was a hard one. I kept praying every month that that would be the month. Then I prayed that God give me a sense of contentment with the choice to adopt. We now have a beautiful 2 month old daughter! Although I still have a longing to be pregnant and experience that all over again, I know my plans are not God’s plans.
    I will keep you in my prayers as you struggle….I’ve cried those same tears.

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